The Naked Truth’s Top Twenty Google Searches

I’m always curious what brings people here…sometimes, it’s best not to know…

1. how to put in a nose ring
2. how to put in a nose screw
3. nose piercing
4. nose screws
5. fat azz
6. how to put a nose ring in
7. fedex sucks
8. the naked truth
9. hiatial hernia
10. How to change a nose ring
11. nose screws
12. how to insert a nose screw
13. HR635 — OMG! Someone came here looking for something intellectual and political and affecting the world beyond they human body and overnight mail!
14. how to insert a nose ring
15. teens having sex
16. topomax
17. interesting trivia
18. Dick Chenney — good to know I’m not the only one who mispelled his name… In fact, there were 361 other people who did.
19. changing nose ring
20. how to change nose stud

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Tags: Google, nose piercing

CSI: N’s Bathroom

So, last night in my infinite wisdom, I decided i was going to change out my cute turquoise nose screw from Nose Gems and put in a tiny orange gem one I had bought elsewhere.

Standing in front of my full-length mirror in the bathroom which I think is slightly crooked, I begin to try to insert the new screw.

Except of course the moment it touchs my nose, I drop it. Stupid clumbsy fingers.

I heard it bounce once on the tile, which meant it could have gone any which way — under the linen closet door, into the pile of laundry to be taken downstairs, onto the bath mat, plus a gazillion other places. First I try crawling on my hands and knees trying to find this tiny nose ring, searching every section of the floor and feeling like maybe I need a better broom and mop. (How do you get cat hair out of the corners?)

Then, I’ve got the light off and I’m re-enacting CSI with a flashlight. I’m walking slowly through the room, flashlight slowly going over the crime scene. I mean, it works on CSI. They always seem to find the smallest details when they do that, as stupid as it looks to me. Wouldn’t hurt to try it, right?

Except Needy thought it was a game and he kept trying to catch and pounce on the ball of white light.

I also must have gone through the pile of laundry ten times to no avail.

So, I gave up, rather upset. I mean, that’s $3.50 of my hard-earned money and besides I like orange; it’s the new black, you know.

So, I put in my diamond stud — took 5 minutes and it hurt like hell (this is the smallest screw I’ve tried putting in) but it looks good. In fact, it made me realize the orange one would have looked really good.

So, there I am again playing the CSI game with Needy and going through the dirty clothes…

And then suddenly, there it is on the floor under the laundry.

I put it away and went to bed. I didn’t dare try changing the nose screw again. I mean, that’s 30 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Next time, I’ll bring my iPod with me so I can at least have some good music.

Tags: nose piercing

How to change a nose screw in less than 30 minutes

You know how it is when you get a package in the mail and you can’t wait to open it. Whether it’s a book or a gadget or a toy or clothes or jewelry or whatever, you just cannot help yourself — you must read it/play with it/try it on. It’s a compulsion, a temptation, the new whatever is calling your name, begging for your attention, and it’s oh-so-hard to ignore.

So today when the package came, I was giddy like a kid on Christmas. I pulled out the pretty new nose screw with excited awe. It was everything it had promised it would be. So I rushed right upstairs to try it on and see how it looked.

Remember what it was like when you first started wearing contacts? Remember how frustrating it was? Oh, when the eye doctor put them in for you at your fitting, they just slipped right in and all was good, but that first time you had to do it yourself…Oy. Remember sitting at the table with the towel laid out in front of you and the magnifying mirror as you labored to stick that annoying piece of plastic in your eye. Remember how you’d slowly draw your fingertip with the contact precariously balanced on the top toward your eye? Remember how at the last minute, you’d blink and you’d have to spend the next 30 seconds or so trying to figure out where the contact bounced to? Or remember how it’d go in funny and every time you’d blink — and you’d blink a lot as the tears formed — it would feel like someone was sticking a hot poker in your eye?

Well, trying to figure out how to put a nose screw in your nose for the first time is 10 times more painful…and there are no instructions and I couldn’t find anything on the web explaining how to do it and even now that it’s in, I couldn’t tell you how it got there.

Mind you, I admit that a week after I got my nose pierced my nose screw had come out and I had to work it back in and technically that was the “first time” but I’m not counting it because the piercing was new and I was panicked about the hole closing and this time I thought it would go smoother because it’s mostly healed…

Oh, and one more tip: Don’t try to change your nose screw in the middle of an allergy attack and a runny nose…ewwww….

Tags: nose piercing

Nothing Ever Goes Perfectly

NOSE PIERCING - OneTribe Body Arts Community, forum, email, aftercare, piercing, tattoo pics, classifieds, books

The most common cause of delayed healing is by knocking or tearing the stud and taking the stud in and out before the wound is fully healed. This will lead to a small lump forming around the piercing. These lumps are called granulomas.

The best course of action to heal granulomas is to apply hot compresses to the wound once or twice a day. Soak a clean paper towel under hot tap water, making sure that it’s not so hot that it burns your skin, but hot enough to penetrate the wound. Leave on till the heat dissipates. Continue this remedy twice a day.

If the hot compresses don’t work, the best course of action is to remove the jewellery for a short period of time to allow the wound to recover. When the lump goes down (usually 4-5 days) the jewellery may be reinserted. If the lump inflames again it’s best to remove the jewellery, leave your nose to heal and have it re-pierced at a later date.

I seem to have developed one of these granulomas. Treatment begins immediately. *sigh*

Tags: nose piercing

Nose Screw Tip

Here’s my little nose piercing tip of the weekend: Do not play with the new piercing, even if you tell yourself you are just adjusting it to a less annoying positions. Trust me, when a fresh nose piercing comes out and you have to screw it back in yourself, it will be extremely painful and you will panic and it’s not as easy as you think it’ll be.

My nose is still tender from yesterday’s adventure.

By the way, if you see amber nose studs, please leave me a link to the website. I’d love to get one but I haven’t found any anywhere.

Tags: nose piercing

I Finally Did It

My mom is going to totally hate it.

Tags: nose piercing