Thursday Thirteen Things I’d Like To Do In 2007 (#18)

So this is the time of year when everyone is doing New Year’s Resolutions. I prefer not to do “Resolutions” because they’re generally broken and joked about by the middle of January and forgotten by President’s Day. Then, next January, they’ll be resolved again.

So, instead, I usually try to use the time to reflect and think about the things I’d like to work on in my life, changes, improvements, and so on. I don’t make myself any impossible promises though. I know my limits and I know physics. There’s no way I can lose 60 lbs in 2 months, for example; nor is it likely that I’ll be getting up at 5am any time soon to exercise 3 times a week.

Anyway, here is my list of things I would like to do in 2007, no promises, but I’m working on it. More

Tags: Thursday Thirteen, bloghopping, meme, New Years Resolutions, gardening, knitting, debt, weight, health, writing, Green Living, housekeeping, dysfunctional family

My Brain May Explode

I wonder why my brain doesn’t explode from the sheer insanity of contradictory messages I get from my parents sometimes — mainly from my mother.

Mind you, I write that with love and thankfulness for all the help they both have been the last few weeks. I know that I could not have done everything that’s been done regarding the move without their help.

However…with closer, constant proximity, comes more regular contradictory messages and I suspect wrinkle lines on my forehead from the almost permanent perplexed expressions on my face. Certainly the strain on my forehead and brain has not helped my headaches.

I will admit that in the past, I was not always financially responsible. There was a dark time where I succumbed to the American Dream of Hopeless American Credit Card Debt. It was at the end of college and it kept building for a few years until it got a bit too large for me to handle as I was extremely underpaid while I struggled to find that American Dream IT job I was promised were the jobs of the 21rst Century that would make me rich. I kept hoping that I’d get that job and everything would work out and I’d be able to pay off the growing debt and everything would right itself.

I wasn’t financially stupid, mind you. I had a good idea of what was going on. I understood how interest rates and late fees and minimum balances worked and I’d read the fine print, but I was digging through my sofa cushions when my friends left in hopes that they left change behind. You can read all of the experts’ books and you can memorize every word Suze Orman ever wrote and dutifully read and discuss The Millionaire Next Door that your parents gave you for your birthday instead of something really useful like groceries or paying your overdue electric bill which has been turned off twice that year already.

Anyway, I eventually worked up the courage, hard as it was, to ask my parents for financial help and admit that I had failed somehow out on my own to manage my money — a huge sin for the daughter of a CPA. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how or that I’m not smart enough to do it, but just that I got caught up playing that game that so many people play these days — “The Credit Game.” You think to yourself that you’ll have the money next month so you put it on your card but then next month you’re in the same boat or worse and then the boat keeps taking on water. Kind of like that scene with Captain Sparrow and the sinking boat at the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean but not as funny and there’s no dock to step off of; you end up in the middle of the ocean with Davey Jones, basically, and you remember how nice a guy he was.

So, there’s that back history. It took me years to bale myself out of that little sinking ship, but I did do it. I applied what I could from all of those books and articles my parents had been feeding me. I even applied some tricks they told me not to do…and apparently it didn’t hurt because my credit score was 816 when I went to buy my house. But it did take years. It wasn’t overnight. And it was frustrating and it felt hopeless most of the time. There were other things I wanted to do with my money like buy things, invest, buy a house. I was particularly frustrated when I was given a book on investing in the stock market to read but of course couldn’t afford to do so because of my debt.

So, I’ve got all of this knowledge, and I’ve applied some of it. I’m 35 years old. I’ve just bought a house.

What do my parents do? They each, separately, aggressively got on my case within the first two days of moving into the house about paying it off early, about making extra payments.

I haven’t even made my first mortgage payment yet. I haven’t even had a chance to see the reality of my new budget.

Basically they’re treating me like a child, telling me what to do with my money and my house.

So two nights ago while I was unpacking books with my mother, I asked her if she thought I was incompetent. She was surprised and said no. I told her that when she and my father act like they are dictating to me what I should do with the house or my money or how I should pay my bills, etc., it feels to me like they think I don’t know what I’m doing. I held up some of those books they gave me years ago and I said, “You know, I’ve been paying attention all these years. I do have a clue and when I don’t, that’s when I ask.”

She told me that they were just worried because I’d been talking about all kinds of things I wanted to buy for the house and I’d been spending money on the house. I told her that I was keeping an eye on my bank account.

Now, here’s where the contradictions come in. My father gave me some extra money before the move to buy some extra things for the house like curtain rods and garbage cans. The things I’ve bought for the house have pretty much been basic stuff like curtain rods, shades, garbage cans, a plunger, three-prong outlets…it’s not like I’m out redecorating the house. The only thing I splurged on was a breakfast bar because I don’t have a kitchen table.  So then every time I turn around, she’s telling me that I need to get this or that for the house.  I didn’t buy new bookshelves, though the three I have need to be replaced and badly — the shelves actually sag, which she’s commented on.  I know I can’t afford it right now.  So I told myself I’ll just replace them in a year maybe.  For now,  these still hold the books off the floor…mostly. ;)  And my craft supplies can stay in boxes another six months or so.  But now she’s telling me I need to replace the bookshelves and buy metal shelving to hang on the walls of the craft room/office to put my craft supplies on.  Well, gosh, I’d also like a Dining Room table, a new bedroom set, chairs for the Music Room/Study, a mattress set for the guest room…

Not to mention that every time she tells me to start working on some part of the unpacking, she then interrupts me within two minutes to do something else.

Let’s not even start on, you should lose weight, here have some ice cream.
I miss my routine.

Tags: dysfunctional family, move, little red house, credit card debt

Open Letter To Congress

Dear Congress,

The United States has more people in prison than any other country. We’re in debt nearly 9 trillion dollars. We have the second worst newborn death rate in the modern world. 2/3rds of young Americans can’t find Iraq on a map. The dollar is falling, falling, falling. Iraq is a mess. Our 15 year olds rank 24 out of 38 in mathematics and 26 of 38 in problem solving. We’re the fattest nation in the world! Hello, Iran? The number of uninsured Americans continues to rise. We haven’t found Osama bin Laden.. and yet,Congress is focusing its power and efforts on a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Seriously?

And you wonder why the vast majority of Americans disapprove of the job you’re doing. [“Dear Congress” (Audacity)]

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Tags: Congress, Iraq, Gay Rights, Iran, Osama bin Laden, national debt, stupid

Senate Votes Us A Deeper Debt Hole

Well, this has kind of slipped by with little hooplah, but while everyone was arguing about whether or not to censure President Bush over warrantless wiretapping and whether or not Democrats are spineless cowards (which they are), the Senate voted 52-48 yesterday to raise the limit on the national debt to $9 trillion so the U.S. Treasury wouldn’t default for the first time ever. In case you’re wondering, “$9 trillion represents about $30,000 for every man, woman and child in the United States.” [“Senate votes to raise debt limit” (ABS News)] Of course, it’s all up to President Bush now, but with his veto record, I’m not sure whether it’s worth the brain energy to wonder if he’ll sign it.

Granted, this “extra” money will allow the government to pay for the war in Iraq, Medicare, and other Federal programs, but they did it rather than do the responsible thing which is raise taxes. Let’s face it, Bush’s tax cuts have not trickled down to revive anything and they haven’t helped the economy. The only ones benefiting are large corporations and the rich, who can afford to help foot the bill a little more so that our country doesn’t go further into debt.

One of the things I agreed with John Kerry about was responsible spending. O.K. I don’t know if he was serious about it when he said it anymore, but it’s my belief that if you don’t have the money, you don’t spend it. This administration seems to be on a wild spending spree, shopping at all the expensive stores and forgetting to pay rent and utilities and the credit cards and the other necessities. If I managed my checkbook the way they managed the Federal budget, I’d be in prison by now or at least I’d be living in a shopping cart.

Is it too much to ask that my goverment be a little bit more responsible with the money I’m giving it?

Tags: Senate, Congress, George W. Bush, politics, national debt, taxes, Federal budget

After All These Years, Money Still Worries Me

I was in debt already after college. I hid it for a few years from my parents, but some of my friends knew. The debt just kept growing and growing out of control.

While I’m fairly sure that mental illness runs in my family, I think my panic attacks started with that debt then. The first real panic attacks I can recall from the recesses of my mind involved pages of bills piled on the table, the floor or the kitchen counter as I tried to figure out who to pay and when so as to not bounce another check.

I’ll admit that I have never been good at managing my own money. I’m really still not, probably much to my CPA father’s disappointment.

I even have a rather vivid memory of having woken in the middle of the night in my first one bedroom/roommate-free apartment in the throes of a panic attack over my checking account. I even recall calling and waking a dear friend in the wee hours just to cry over the impending disaster of it all.

Eventually, I had to face my parents and they loaned me some money and then set me up on a budget to pay things off. Over the years, right after Christmas, I always seemed to get further in debt — the problem with being generous and loving sales — and therefore the debt never seemed to get paid down very far before it would leap way up again.

I had been on the way to paying it off the fall before my unfortunate “involuntary” termination that led to 3 months of unemployment and my move from the South to New England. It took me an extra year than I had planned, but that debt is finally paid off.

But the panic attacks are still here every now and then. It’s strange because I used to panic if my checking account got below $100. Now I panic if it gets below $2,000 — mind you my rent is almost $1,100/month rather than the $650/month down South. But I still do panic.

And it’s worse after I’ve made a rather large purchase — like a Dyson Animal plus $500 to repair my Jeep — though I should get that money back…someday…

I know I should manage my money better or just quit spending it altogether, but it’s hard. I don’t know why. I love my online bill pay because I can set up the bills to go right to my bank and have the bank pay them. I only really have to worry about my rent and gas bill as they refuse to get into the 21rst century.

Anyway, I had a panic attack today. Thank goodness for savings — thank goodness, my dad drilled into me all these years in debt to put the money in savings once the debt was paid off. I transfered $500 into checking just to make me feel better…

I wonder if there’s a support group for me…or at least an honest accountant I don’t have to tell my dad about? I wonder if he’s married to a cleaning lady I don’t have to tell my mom about.

Tags: debt, anxiety