Happy Pee-In-A-Bottle Day!
Oh? Is it just me celebrating that? Hmmmm.
Yes, I’m in for a nicely awkward day here in cubicle-land. I have to do one of those 24 hour urinalisys tests where you have to collect your pee from the time you wake up until the time you wake up the next day and store it in this large bright orange bottle in a refrigerator to take with me to the kidney specialist tomorrow morning.
I’m thinking the kidney specialist hasn’t ever had to do one herself while working in co-ed cubicle-land. She’s probably never had to figure out how she’s going to sneak it into the office in the first place without anyone seeing. Especially since the bottle is the size of a two liter.
Oh, and did I mention that it comes with a “toilet hat”? It’s called that because it looks like that nun hat Sally Field wore in The Flying Nun. You’re supposed to sit it in the toilet and then sit on the toilet and pee into it and then pour the collected pee into the bottle.
So, every time I go to the bathroom, I have to take the big orange bottle and The Flying Nun’s toilet hat, neither of which is small or easily disguisable.
And the bathroom?
As far away as possible from my desk. I must walk past at least half of the cubicles in the building to get to it.
O.K. So I have a grocery store-sized paper bag in which to carry my shame each time I go. Someone is going to notice. This is an office after all. On someone’s blog tonight there’ll be a post about the strange girl’s peculiar bag-carrying behavior to the bathroom today.
I’m sure you’re still wondering about the refrigeration need. Fortunately I have one of those mini-fridges at my desk. Basically that means that I can’t have anything else in there today, though I don’t know that I’d want my breakfast and lunch in there with my pee anyway. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to have to explain my pee being in the community fridge or have it come up missing after lunch either.
Gah. I wonder if I can just hold it in for 8 hours.
Tags: 24hr urinalisys, toilet hat
