Stress, Procrastination, Paralysis

I’ve been completely stressed out lately.  Stressed to the point of being overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed to the point of near-paralysis.

I spent a rather eye-opening hour with the shrink last night who pointed out how connected my home-related stress is to my work-related stress is and how it all is just merging with my Winter-related depression and weighing me down to the point where I’m allowing myself to live up or down to whatever expectations certain people have of me.

I don’t know if I can explain this.  It all seems so circular.

So, at work, my top thought is always that I’m going
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Tags: work, anxiety, job loss, depression, overwhelmed, stress, paralysis

Out Of Sorts? Check Your List!

I like today’s Fibromyalgia Tip of the Day : Making Lists:

Make a list of things that you enjoy doing. Days when you are out of sorts and bored, this list can come in handy. It sounds silly to think that you might forget what you enjoy, but bad days can be heavy with “fibrofog” and so reminder lists are always helpful.

I think everyone, not just fibro sufferers could stand to put this tip into use.  When you’re out of sorts and having a bad day, even
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Tags: fibromyalgia, depression

Discombobulated Thoughts — 12/22/06

• I’m feeling incredibly grumpy today.
• I don’t have any clue why so don’t ask.
• Apparently my GP was supposed to order some follow-up lab work after the ER visit.
• Obviously they didn’t.
• I have way too much to do around the house and I just haven’t been doing any of it.
• I picked up a “Tofurkey Feast” dinner for 8 at Wild Oats for Christmas Dinner.
• I can’t decide if I’m excited about it or not.
• Though “Tofurkey” is kind of fun to say and my dog looks at me funny when I say it.
• I keep forgetting I have fresh raspberries in the fridge.
• Pugly was not happy
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  Tags: discombobulated, Tofurkey, Christmas, holiday depression

  comments See also in My Life, Friends & Family, Wellness, Discombobulated, Anxiety/Depression, Acid Reflux/Gastro B.S., Gallbladder Surgery

Quote of the Day: On Heroes

Real heroes are men who fall and fail and are flawed, but win out in the end because they’ve stayed true to their ideals and beliefs and commitments.
– Kevin Costner

Tags: Quote of the Day

Exercise Your Mind - 11/08/06

Election 2006

• You have your marching orders…. — Nicole Belle @ Crooks and Liars reminds us of the Republican’s “Contract with America” when they took control of Congress in 1994.
  

  This year’s election offers the chance, after four decades of one-party control, to bring to the House a new majority that will transform the way Congress works. That historic change would be the end of government that is too big, too intrusive, and too easy with the public’s money. It can be the beginning of a Congress that respects the values and shares the faith of the American family.

  Like Lincoln, our first Republican president, we intend to act “with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right.” To restore accountability to Congress. To end its cycle of scandal and disgrace. To make us all proud again of the way free people govern themselves.
  

  Let’s hope that the Democrats learn from the Republicans’ mistakes.

• A Remedy for Negative Political Ads — Paul Silver @ Donklephant has a remedy for all of those negative, deceitful ads since there’s not likely to be any law regulating truth in political advertising anytime soon.
  

  Perhaps the solution lies in changing the geometry of the question. Instead of trying to regulate the content of ads, we use public funds (or funds from the Parties) to run a frequent public service message that corrects the inaccuracies of any recent ads - perhaps produced by the Factcheck.org folks. Since a candidate would not want to have the airwaves filled with objective criticism they would be inclined to stay as reasonable and civil as possible.

• A Remedy for Election Tampering– Paul Silver @ Donklephant also thinks there should be a reward for information leading to a conviction in crimes related to election tampering.

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Tags: 2006 election, Republicans, Contract with America, Contress, ethics, scandal, Democrats, negative political ads, election tampering, politics, factcheck.org, DHS, TSA, passports, Hasan Elahi, FBI, mental illness, anxiety, depression

Thursday Thirteen Discombobulated Worries This Week (#11)

My brain is way too scattered and full of anxiety to focus on one particular nifty topic this week. So, now you get to see the really true discombobulated, highly anxious me.

Thirteen Things about N. Mallory

1. What if the sale on the little red house falls through and I don’t get it?
2. What if the sale on the little red house doesn’t fall through and I do get it and it turns into a money pit?
3. What if those nice flippers are taking advantage of me because I’m a naive first time buyer and I don’t know what I’m doing?
4. What if my dog is depressed? He’s been lethargic and hasn’t been eating at home, but the doggie daycare folks say he’s hyper and playful there. Maybe he just hates me.

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Tags: Thursday Thirteen, meme, bloghopping, anxiety, home buying, acid reflux, IgAN, autoimmune kidney disease, discombobulated, the puppy

14 comments See also in My Life, Geekery, Blogging & Other Blogs, Wellness, Discombobulated, Anxiety/Depression, The Puppy, Acid Reflux/Gastro B.S., Thursday Thirteen, Memes, Little Red House, IgA Nephropathy

I Should Be Happy

I’m thirty-five years old and I am intelligent enough to know I do not need the approval of someone else to make me happy or give me self-worth. However, being brainy enough to know that is somewhat different from being able to control the emotion or the need. I’ve never quite been able to disconnect the wiring on my insides that would allow me to be free from seeking the approval of my parents in all of these years. I’ve said so many times here. That’s why even now after doing triple handstands and cartwheels I
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Tags: little red house, depression, parental approval, dysfunctional family

Ideas About Getting More Commenters

I’ve been trying to figure out how to get the people who come here to comment more often on posts — you know, have more open dialogs, etc. So, when I come across this sort of post on one of my regular reads, I’m intrigued. However, for me, she was preaching to the choir, but I thought I’d like to pass along her tips edited with my own opinions. I’m hoping you fellow readers and passerby will add your own suggestions and thoughts to the comment section. (ah-ha!) Mind you, I’m basically going by
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Tags: bloghopping, blogs, commenting, blog traffic, trolls, spam

Sadness = Not Enough Coffee

Oh! I get it!

(Click for larger view.)

Tags: Dilbert, cartoons, coffee, depression

Maybe I’m Doing It Wrong

(Click for larger view.)

Tags: Dilbert, cartoons, friendship, depression

Demythtifying Mental Illness & The 100 Comment Challenge

I found the below on demythtifying mental illness at Brony’s blog, Parenting with a Mental Illness .  She closed out Mental Health Awareness Week by posting her 100th post on a blog she started “in part to create awareness of what it is like to have a mental illness.”  With this 100th post, she wants to meet 100 new people and generate 100 comments.  So please head over and comment on her 100th post and add your name to the 100 new people.  While you’re there, you might check out her other 99 posts too and
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Tags: mental illness, depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, Mental Health Awareness Week

Thursday Thirteen People I Hate (#5)

In keeping with my generally depressed and pissy mood, even though I’m kind of happy to be leaving to go out of town today, even though flying and travelling completely freak and stress me out, I’ve decided to go with pet peeves for this week’s Thursday Thirteen. In particular, I’m focusing on pet peeves involving people since it’s people who’ve been irritating and hurting me this week.

I think this will be a good, healthy outlet for the pain.

No. Really.

Thirteen Things about N. Mallory

1. People who insist on entering through the exit door at the
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   Tags: Thursday Thirteen, bloghopping, meme

   12 comments See also in My Life, Geekery, Blogging & Other Blogs, Wellness, Anxiety/Depression, Therapy, Thursday Thirteen, Memes

Approval Whore

I’ve been thinking about it for the last few days. It’s normal, I think, to grow up, seeking approval from your parents, your Sunday School teacher, your school teachers, your bosses. I think it’s natural to want their respect, their approval. You want to please them. You want them to be happy with the things you do. Obviously with the teachers and the bosses there are benefits like grades and financial things that come with the approval.

That is normal approval seeking.

But I think all of my life or at least as long as I
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Tags: approval whore, depression

A Personal Victory

SQ pointed out something to me this afternoon.  She said that in my personal life, I tend to avoid conflict by waiting for things to happen to me rather than causing things to happen.  For example, I should have left my old job long before the axe came down or I tend to stay in unhealthy relationships and put up with crap way longer than I should because I’d rather not rock the boat and actually stir up shit myself.

So, she said while N2 might not realize the big deal that my sending the email to her last weekend was,
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Tags: wellness, therapy, depression

Low

There’s nothing like hitting a depressive phase when you’re home alone on a Friday night.

Tags: depression

Takayasu’s Arthritis, Cancer, & Cat Scans

I just got back from the rheumatologist follow up visit (after having had to sit through 2 hours of a budget meeting this morning).

Apparently, the Lupus blood test came back negative, but my Sed rate is still high at 90. He also doesn’t think it’s Sjögren’s Syndrome based on the blood work and my tear generation test.

So, now he wants to do some studies of my blood vessels to see if I have Takayasu’s Arthritis, which is a really rare disease where your blood vessels shrink. Apparently normally it shows up in Asian women, but he
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Tags: Takayasu's Arteritis, rheumatologist, CAT Scan, Lupus, Sjögren's Syndrome, ESR, cancer, emphysema

Fibromyalgia — Could I Have It?

So, yesterday, while everyone else was getting all hot and bothered about Abu Musab al-Zarqawi’s death — something I took at first with a bit of cynicism since he’d already been killed about 4 or 5 other times this year — or busy calling their Congressman to learn just how dedicicated he or she is to the sanctity of marriage — I’ve kind of enjoyed reading some of the transcripts from the liberal bloggers with too much time on their hands who want to know if their Senators masterbate (I can’t believe I typed that, Mom) — I was considering
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Tags: fibromyalgia, wellness, al-Zarqawi

Trust No One

Remember that was one of the slogans from The X-Files? “Trust no one.”

Apparently, it’s one of my “Core Beliefs”. My Cognative Thinking Therapy Group is over now and the last two weeks was about “Core Beliefs”. My understanding is that these are the inner beliefs that we have that shape our lives and how we deal with ourselves, others, and the world. In fact, that is how they are broken down — beliefs about ourselves, beliefs about others, and beliefs about the world.

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Tags: wellness, therapy, anxiety, depression

Faced A Fear

Over the weekend I went to a singles dinner.  Yup.  Faced a major social anxiety.  Got myself gussied up, drove 2 hours to South of Boston to meet total utter strangers.

And it was fun and not scary at all and I enjoyed myself and stayed 3 hours longer than I had planned and I totally plan to do it again.

And no I didn’t hook up with anyone and that wasn’t the goal.  I really just wanted to meet some new people (but there were a couple of cute guys).  I will say that the ratio of women to men was
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Tags: anxiety

I’m Not Dead

Well, I’m not.

Earlier in the week, I was very, very ill. Fortunately I see the post ahead feature for “Quote of the Day” was working just fine. I believe that the illness was triggered by that nasty weather that New England got with all the rain and the flooding. It triggered some migraines and some nasty stomach issues for me.

Then after that I’ve just been busy with trying to speedily develop a nifty new interface for that project I thought was done and trying also trying to catch up at home. My house looks like
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Tags: Me, the puppy, wellness