There’s Always One Christmas Smart Ass

I used to think those games you play at office Christmas parties were pretty fun. You know the ones, right? Everyone buys a gift under a certain amount of money and then there’s a swapping type game. Some people call it Yankee Swap, White Elephant, Santa Swap, Rob Your Neighbor, Grinch Exchange, etc., etc.

I’ve never played it the same way twice either. The rules are constantly changing as far as how you can steal a present, whether it’s before or after you’ve picked a gift from the pile, how many times a present can be stolen in a round or in a game, how many gifts can be stolen in a round, and so on. Some rules are made because of time constraints — people have meetings to get to, you know.

At my last job, alcohol was the most stolen gift. Well, good alcohol was, anyway. After a few years, I stopped playing the game because all anyone brought was alcohol and for some reason I always ended up with the cheapest bottle of rotgut — I mean, even a winno wouldn’t have drunk that stuff — and I don’t and can’t drink because of my illnesses and medications. The game got to be no fun and no point for me. Plus, I would find myself frustrated that I couldn’t regift.

Let me explain. When a limit is set on the gift buying for a game like that and they say “a gift under $20″, they don’t really mean that a $2 gift is appropriate. Yes, it’s “under” $20, but that’s not fair to the people who went out and bought $20 gifts. But there’s always going to be at least one Christmas smart ass who’s going to justify it.

I really hadn’t thought about the whole thing in years, but I was watching my current co-workers play their version of “Yankee Swap” on Friday. I didn’t know you could play without exchanging alcohol so my interest was peaked. (Mostly, I was just trapped on the wrong side of the office from my desk.) Their limit was $5.

Wouldn’t you know it? Some Christmas Smart Ass had gone to Dunkin Donuts and gotten a $2 gift card. Friggin’ Asshole. (And one of the managers ended up with it too.)

Seriously, it’s $5 and it’s Christmas people! What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you really just that cheap? If you couldn’t afford the whole $5, you didn’t need to play the game. It wasn’t mandatory for Christmas’ sake! You probably also steal people’s lunches out of the fridge and take pennies from that cup by the cash register when you don’t need it.

tags: Yankee Swap, White Elephant, Grinch

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