My Brain May Explode

I wonder why my brain doesn’t explode from the sheer insanity of contradictory messages I get from my parents sometimes — mainly from my mother.

Mind you, I write that with love and thankfulness for all the help they both have been the last few weeks. I know that I could not have done everything that’s been done regarding the move without their help.

However…with closer, constant proximity, comes more regular contradictory messages and I suspect wrinkle lines on my forehead from the almost permanent perplexed expressions on my face. Certainly the strain on my forehead and brain has not helped my headaches.

I will admit that in the past, I was not always financially responsible. There was a dark time where I succumbed to the American Dream of Hopeless American Credit Card Debt. It was at the end of college and it kept building for a few years until it got a bit too large for me to handle as I was extremely underpaid while I struggled to find that American Dream IT job I was promised were the jobs of the 21rst Century that would make me rich. I kept hoping that I’d get that job and everything would work out and I’d be able to pay off the growing debt and everything would right itself.

I wasn’t financially stupid, mind you. I had a good idea of what was going on. I understood how interest rates and late fees and minimum balances worked and I’d read the fine print, but I was digging through my sofa cushions when my friends left in hopes that they left change behind. You can read all of the experts’ books and you can memorize every word Suze Orman ever wrote and dutifully read and discuss The Millionaire Next Door that your parents gave you for your birthday instead of something really useful like groceries or paying your overdue electric bill which has been turned off twice that year already.

Anyway, I eventually worked up the courage, hard as it was, to ask my parents for financial help and admit that I had failed somehow out on my own to manage my money — a huge sin for the daughter of a CPA. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how or that I’m not smart enough to do it, but just that I got caught up playing that game that so many people play these days — “The Credit Game.” You think to yourself that you’ll have the money next month so you put it on your card but then next month you’re in the same boat or worse and then the boat keeps taking on water. Kind of like that scene with Captain Sparrow and the sinking boat at the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean but not as funny and there’s no dock to step off of; you end up in the middle of the ocean with Davey Jones, basically, and you remember how nice a guy he was.

So, there’s that back history. It took me years to bale myself out of that little sinking ship, but I did do it. I applied what I could from all of those books and articles my parents had been feeding me. I even applied some tricks they told me not to do…and apparently it didn’t hurt because my credit score was 816 when I went to buy my house. But it did take years. It wasn’t overnight. And it was frustrating and it felt hopeless most of the time. There were other things I wanted to do with my money like buy things, invest, buy a house. I was particularly frustrated when I was given a book on investing in the stock market to read but of course couldn’t afford to do so because of my debt.

So, I’ve got all of this knowledge, and I’ve applied some of it. I’m 35 years old. I’ve just bought a house.

What do my parents do? They each, separately, aggressively got on my case within the first two days of moving into the house about paying it off early, about making extra payments.

I haven’t even made my first mortgage payment yet. I haven’t even had a chance to see the reality of my new budget.

Basically they’re treating me like a child, telling me what to do with my money and my house.

So two nights ago while I was unpacking books with my mother, I asked her if she thought I was incompetent. She was surprised and said no. I told her that when she and my father act like they are dictating to me what I should do with the house or my money or how I should pay my bills, etc., it feels to me like they think I don’t know what I’m doing. I held up some of those books they gave me years ago and I said, “You know, I’ve been paying attention all these years. I do have a clue and when I don’t, that’s when I ask.”

She told me that they were just worried because I’d been talking about all kinds of things I wanted to buy for the house and I’d been spending money on the house. I told her that I was keeping an eye on my bank account.

Now, here’s where the contradictions come in. My father gave me some extra money before the move to buy some extra things for the house like curtain rods and garbage cans. The things I’ve bought for the house have pretty much been basic stuff like curtain rods, shades, garbage cans, a plunger, three-prong outlets…it’s not like I’m out redecorating the house. The only thing I splurged on was a breakfast bar because I don’t have a kitchen table.  So then every time I turn around, she’s telling me that I need to get this or that for the house.  I didn’t buy new bookshelves, though the three I have need to be replaced and badly — the shelves actually sag, which she’s commented on.  I know I can’t afford it right now.  So I told myself I’ll just replace them in a year maybe.  For now,  these still hold the books off the floor…mostly. ;)  And my craft supplies can stay in boxes another six months or so.  But now she’s telling me I need to replace the bookshelves and buy metal shelving to hang on the walls of the craft room/office to put my craft supplies on.  Well, gosh, I’d also like a Dining Room table, a new bedroom set, chairs for the Music Room/Study, a mattress set for the guest room…

Not to mention that every time she tells me to start working on some part of the unpacking, she then interrupts me within two minutes to do something else.

Let’s not even start on, you should lose weight, here have some ice cream.
I miss my routine.

tags: dysfunctional family, move, little red house, credit card debt

One comment

1. on March 8, 2007 at 1:19 am

   donovan said:

   Truer words were never spoken about the horrors of credit card debt. I have a college kid who I have actually threatened, that if she gets any type of credit card she will be cut off from parental support. That’s how strong I believe that it can ruin your life. So why is it at the age of 53 I almost went bankrupt?
   I paid for my college education myself. I paid off my student loans. I got a good state job and have been working for 31 years. I married a bum who charged my Christmas and Birthday gifts on our cards. He always took money from his folks so he had not one ounce of responsibility in his blood. After I dumped him, I had to take over our 2 credit card balances from Sears and Penney’s knowing full well he’d let them go until our credit was ruin. However it was also Penney’s who would not let me have my own card after the divorce. I somehow managed to stay afloat and enjoy several perks in my economic state for 25 years. I never felt particularly deprived. I travelled and had nice vehicles. That is until the past year, when I realized that I had begun to play the credit game. I decided to close as many accounts as I could via a consolidation loan. This was the BIGGEST mistake of my life. Although MBNA/ Bk of America would not want anyone to think so. All I can say is it has been 8 months of living hell, stress, depression, hopelessness, feelings of degradtion. Inthe end, I was facing financial ruin. My prents had once declared bankruptcy. I never dreamed I would. I had hopes of retiring soon. This hole I had dug was going to put the kabosh on that. Thank God in my case, a prayer was answered as a family member I contacted was able to help out. I believe he not only saved my house and car, but also my mental and physical health. If they had not been able to help. I am not sure I would have been able to see things through. No one should have to go through this. It is a tragedy. So, if ANY BANK tries to sell you on a Gold Option Loan, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. That is the only way to survive.

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