Imagine Waking Up Well

My shrink challenged me last Tuesday to imagine waking up well one morning. Obviously, not completely well, but free of certain symptoms like my GI issues. For instance, I’ve had some sort of GI issue or another since I was 18 years old. I don’t really remember what life was like for my body prior to that.

What would it be like to wake up one morning and not have “issues”?

Coincidentally, the last two days, as if God were trying to tell me something, I’ve had horrible stomach issues despite any kind of medication or attempts at bland foods or no foods. There’s been pain and ickiness and acid reflux. It’s been an accute reminder of what I’ve been living with for almost 20 years.

So, it’s been hard to imagine what it’d be like not to live like this, but it’s been easy to wish I didn’t have to. To not have to worry about how far the bathrooms might be or whether or not there might be anything I can have on a menu that won’t send me to one in five seconds. Although lately it seems to have no rhyme or reason. Somedays it’s everything and some days everything’s fine. It’s a random way to live life and it’s not fun.

Unfortunately, imagining not having “issues” for me is as a much of a struggle as I used to have when I tried to imagine myself thin before I lost all of my weight that first time. I just couldn’t fathom that. Now for some odd reason, when I try to picture myself well, I always picture myself thin. Not quite the same but to my mind’s eye, that’s what it represents.

In fact, I kind of believe that maybe once my GI issues are worked out, I’ll be able to eat the healthy foods I like and need to eat to lose weight on a program regularly without discomfort and will be able to stick to it easier. There’s an encouragement to eating wheat pasta, brown rice and more raw veggies and beans when they aren’t so discomforting coming back out 30 minutes to an hour later. I could see that as a benefit.

Anway, last night, I was given the choice to have the surgery or not. It’s not an emergency. The choice is mine as to whether I want to live with the pain and discomfort. I have chosen to have the surgery, though I’m very depressed and scared about the whole thing. My mother will come take care of me and I’m going to try to schedule it for September when it’s cooler, but really I haven’t talked to the surgeon yet. I’m currently waiting for the initial appointment to be set up with the surgeon.

I’m still trying to imagine waking up well. Not sure what that feels like or what I’ll do.

tags: wellness, gallbladder surgery, acid reflux, GI

4 comments

1. on July 20, 2006 at 10:50 am

   Tamara said:

   I hope you can find out what that feels like very soon. Meanwhile, I think the surgery is a wise choice. Hang in there.

   I’m having good luck with Atenelol (a beta blocker) for my migraines. Have you ever tried that? How are things going migraine-wise?

2. on July 20, 2006 at 10:56 am

   n. mallory said:

   I think the Topomax is working for me as far as migraines. *knock on wood*

   Of course, I’m having a bit of a headache today, but I haven’t really had the kind of migraines I’ve had in the past.

   I’m glad the beta blocker’s working for you.

3. on July 20, 2006 at 11:00 am

   Tamara said:

   Oh good. I hated Topamax but I’m glad it’s working for you. I don’t know why my neuro never suggested the beta blocker. My D.O. had suggested it years ago and I finally asked her about it after giving up on the Topamax and having little lasting result from switching to a tri-phasic oral contraceptive. So far, so good with the bb!

4. on August 2, 2006 at 3:39 am

   Yuri seller said:

   I hope you Will find out very soon what that feels like . Meanwhile, I think the surgery is a wise choice, if you don’t want to suffer more from pain.

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