You May Pat My Back Now

I really need a pat-myself-on-the-back moment right now. (I’ll explain later in another more lengthy post).

I’ve been mening to make of list of recenent sucesses and accomplishments as far as pulling myself out of this last big depressive episode. That way they’re all in one big place.

• Started making to-do lists on my Palm Pilot and maintaining them daily. I’ve divided them into Home, Personal, Financial, PBeM, and Work. Each one has 1 to 3 things that are the top priority for the day and I have given myself permission to be able to move them to tomorrow if they can’t be accomplished today. I’ve set up recurring items like laundry, taking out the trash, the litterboxes, posting on the pbem, etc. so they automatically show back up on the next due date.
• I’ve started getting up between 6am and 6:45am at my leisure and I try to do one little chore during that time, plus answer any PBeM emails I owe before getting ready for work — not to mention make coffee.
• Working with the personal organizer has been very theraputic and is helping me set up new systems to get through the daily. Plus, clean kitchen and hall!
• I’ve even lost a few more pounds since I saw the doctor a few weeks ago.
• I’ve been working hard in that Cognitive Therapy class. While I’m having trouble decifering the “evidence” chapter, I’m looking forward to the chapter on balancing thoughts. I have great hope that somehow this therapy class will be of significant help in teaching me to deal with these rampant out-of-control automatic thoughts that seem to poison and overwhelm me sometimes on a day-to-day basis. Maybe I’ll never think like normal people, but maybe I can counter my brain’s runaway train thoughts somehow and fake it out.
• I’ve been buying bright shiny colored things for the apartment and sitting in the sun and enjoying it.
• I’ve been smiling a lot more and up until Tuesday night was in a very good mood. I even told my mother that I was feeling better.
• I’m very excited about the puppy.
• I’ve been working with my mother with some success to delve into memories of my childhood to try to figure out what makes me tick, what went wrong way back when.
• I’ve been getting out of the house fairly regularly to go to the Sunday write-ins, even if I haven’t always been writing.

The shrink says that I should worry less about what hasn’t been accomplished and be proud of what has so there’s my list of accomplishments for the last month or so and it’s not so bad at all.

N2 rudely told me that she thought I was getting worse the other day, but I think she’s wrong. I think maybe my life is a little more chaotic right now because I’m trying to pull myself out of the bog and I’m trying to find a place for the things I love — sometimes when you’re sorting out something, it looks a little messier before things clean up, you know?

tags: anxiety, depression, wellness, therapy, personal organizer, PBeM

2 comments

1. on April 14, 2006 at 8:11 am

   Tamara said:

   Sorry about your friend — some people are misguided. I’m so impressed with your organization skills, and glad you’re having periods of feeling better.

   And… spring is upon us. How’s it springing in Maine?

2. on April 14, 2006 at 2:07 pm

   n. mallory said:

   Well, it’s sunshiny but still wearing my winter coat and long sleeves. I did take the flannel sheets off the bed though.

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