On Abstinence And Teens Having Sex
Everyone seems to have an opinion about abortion and child support and who has control over what and when and where and what our children should or shouldn’t be taught about what goes on down “there”. Some folks think we shouldn’t teach sex education at all because that’ll give kids ideas and other folks think if we don’t teach sex education, that’s what leads to curiousity down “there” and silly misinformation like “you can’t get pregnant the first time” or “if you love me.”
Of course, the President’s big program is abstinence, which is the religious-right’s big program. The thing is that they don’t want to teach any kind of back up if abstinence doesn’t work out.
Strangely, I feel like I’m one of the few people with the right to actually ask this question these days. I wonder how many of these people who are going around preaching abstinence and not wanting to teach other forms of birth control at all practiced what they preached when they were that age. I just find it a bit hard to believe that so many of these people practiced what they preach.
I mean, I made my choice because it was right for me. I don’t expect anyone else to make the same choice, though it’s taken me quite a long time to not be judgemental of those who didn’t make the same choice. Sometimes, even now, there’s a little twinge of judgement in there, but I work on it.
While I agree 100% that abstinence is the best way to go, because, let’s face it, I never had to worry if I was late and I never have to worry about STDs, I realize that I’m a minority. Heck, I’m not even sure my parents were virgins when they got married, though admittedly my dad does seem to be a bit of a stickler about that whole premarital thing. The fact of the matter is that kids are having sex and they are doing so at fairly young ages these days. When I was in high school, I knew sixth graders on birth control because their parents were afraid they’d come home pregnant.
The best you can do is teach your child and be a good role model and hope and pray for the best, but don’t count on abstinence in this day and age.
I remember watching an episode of Designing Women years ago that touched me very deeply. They had been hired to help plan the funeral of a young man dying of AIDS at the same time, Mary Jo was supposed to give a speech at her daughter’s school in favor of school-provided condoms. She was very torn about the whole thing because she was very religious and the truth was that she didn’t want her daughter to have sex at all, but in the end, what she realized was that if her daughter was going to do so, even after all their talks about not having sex, at the very least, she’d like her daughter to have the options of having the right sort of protection to have safe sex so she wouldn’t die just because she had sex.
The truth is that teenagers are having sex. Sex feels good. Telling them the facts about STDs and babies is not going to be enough to stop them all from having sex. At that age, they think they’re invincible. Nothing bad is going to happen to them and even if it does, they have plenty of time to outgrow it.
The only way to help them is to give them options.
tags: abstinence, sex
on March 24, 2006 at 8:46 pm
Big Dog said:
There is an issue here and it is not what needs to be taught but where. The schools should not be teaching sex to the children, that is what parents are for.
What the Bush administration wants is abstinence taught with the rest but of course, the ACLU does not want that. With them it is OK to teach condoms, oral sex and homosexual sex but if you teach abstinence you are going too far.
We have too many children who can not read, write or do math. They need to spend more time on that and less time on things that should be taught at home. At home children will get the values the parents want them to have and not have items they might not agree with forced upon their children as happens in school.
on March 24, 2006 at 10:03 pm
n. mallory said:
I agree that all the options should be taught and I agree that parents should be teaching them. My mother sat down with me in my pre-teen years.
The problem is that very few children have the same guidance from their parents. It’s a shame that more and more schools are becoming responsible for the education of more than just the basics of our youth. I certainly value the influence of my family however dysfunctional.
It’s also my understanding that the Bush administration only wants abstinence taught (which interestingly is what was the only thing taught at my school) and nothing else. I haven’t looked into what you’re saying about the ACLU, but as I said, I believe in teach that there are safe options.
on June 7, 2006 at 10:34 am
Amber said:
Well, then you should pat yourself on the back, because you’re doing better than (to hazard a guess here) about 95% of Americans, who seem to put judgement only slightly behind baseball as the national pastime.
O RLY? That’s not what I’ve seen. Where are you getting your information? The Bush Administration most certainly wants to teach abstinence only (infused w/ a heavy dosage of shame, for good measure).
on June 7, 2006 at 2:46 pm
n. mallory said:
When my college roommate got pregnant and I watched how her parents and his reacted, I realized that I could put a lot of energy into judging her for what they did in the room next to mine or I could offer her the support she needed. Turns out I got to buy kiddie clothes the latter way and shopping is always more fun than being judgemental…
Still I know it’s something I struggle with from time to time, but really what business is it of mine? I don’t want to discuss with the folks in my real life about my non-existant sex life nor do I wish to discuss their sex lives…so no need to judge something I don’t want to know about and really have no business knowing about.