It’s The End Of Privacy As I Knew It
Seriously, despite the fact that I blog all about my life and share all sorts of thoughts and opinions, I’m really kind of a paranoidly private person. I mean, I blog under a pseudonym. I don’t publish my address or phone number or even my Yahoo!Messanger ID.
I’m like that in non-cyberland too. I am loath to hand out my phone number or even my personal email sometimes. I certainly don’t hand out my cel phone number since I moved. In fact, I think I have only given it officially to my mom and the other N.
The problem is that once that information is out there, you can’t take it back and make people forget it. You have to be inconvenienced and have to move and change all of your phone numbers again and maybe even stop using that email address.
For years, I’ve sat quietly distant from my extended family. I pretty much communicated with them through my parents. Now this whole “reconnect with the family” thing has gotten out of control.
First, my dad gave his brother my phone number and email address — I said it was o.k. to give the email address.
Then my aunt apparently gave their brother my cooking website’s url, (which has no links to any of my other blogs thank goodness). This led to him asking me to cook for the weekend in October that I’ve not committed to going to. (I’m now waiting for the email announcing to the whole family that I’ll be catering the family reunion.)
Now, my mom tells me that dad’s brother is forwarding the cooking url to all of his old work buddies — no idea why.
O.K. I can almost kind of handle that. I mean, I’d like for the site to be discovered by the Food Network and then get my own show and pal around with Rachel Ray. She can’t possibly be that perky all of the time, right?
But now, my mom has sent my cel phone number to their neighbor Mike and my aunt in case they need to get in contact with any of us this Saturday when we’ll be in Florida for the memorial service. All I can think is that if my aunt has the number, it won’t be long until the crazy uncle has the number…
I’ve been thinking of switching cel phone pre-paid services. After this weekend might be a good time.
tags: dysfunctional family
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on February 8, 2006 at 10:13 am
Tamara said:
FYI, I got a notify email for this entry twice. Not complaining, just letting you know!
I can’t say I really relate to your privacy needs, but I feel bad that everyone is suddenly violating them! At least it’s fairly easy to switch your cell number.
on February 8, 2006 at 11:38 am
n. mallory said:
I guess I probably would be less annoyed if my mother had asked first about the cell phone and qualified it to the other people that it’s not to be given out without my permission. I saw the email she sent them and it had no such statement.
I mean, I would like something in there that says that I normally don’t have it on and I don’t know how to use the voice mail (on purpose). I use it for emergencies, travel, and work when I’m on call and that’s it. Half the time the battery is dead.
And when my dad gave out my phone to my uncle, I was surprised since he specifically asked my permission to give him my email. Fortunately I have Caller ID and and answering machine, but this just increases my worries that somehow the really greedy, shady, lives off money my mom sends him uncle will find out where I live.
I have stated repeatedly that neither of their brothers is someone I want to be in communication with. I guess they don’t really get it.
on February 8, 2006 at 1:43 pm
Tamara said:
If I were you, I would consider forwarding an email to those your mom sent the email to, saying what you’d wanted her to say. It’s a courtesy to tell people, “hey, this isn’t really a great way to reach me under most circumstances.”
Then again, I guess that would entail giving those same people your email address. Oops. Could you ask your mom to follow up with them and share the additional info?
The uncle thing is a huge bummer. And you can always change your number.
Hang in there!
on February 8, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Tamara said:
I guess that should actually say “BUT you can always change your number.”
Braindead after ODing on carbs. Stupid blueberry muffin from Panera. It’s not even that good.
on February 8, 2006 at 2:36 pm
n. mallory said:
Isnt that just awful? I treated myself to a Snickers the other day and it just wasn’t as good as I remembered it. *sigh*
Yeah, I think I’ll talk to my aunt and explain that I don’t want her to give that number to her brother. I *think* she’ll understand. I mean, she should know. He’s the root cause of her therapy.
on February 8, 2006 at 2:53 pm
Tamara said:
Yeah, I feel like I ate a muffin the size of Cleveland. Bleh.
Ah, therapy. My sis and I were just discussing hers and how she should handle her relationship with our mom.
Family. Gotta love ‘em. Even when you don’t.
Fortunately, at least with my sister I never don’t.
on February 8, 2006 at 2:57 pm
n. mallory said:
I had a therapist once tell me that is was o.k. not to love your family. Friends you can pick, but family is something forced on you by society.
That advice is what enabled me to disassociate with my uncles and such in the first place.
on February 8, 2006 at 3:01 pm
Tamara said:
Oh sure, there are definitely members of my family that I don’t love.
But… My mom, for instance, wasn’t forced on me by society. And however lamely she sometimes executed her responsibilities toward me, she kept me fed, clothed, sheltered, and loved to the best of her ability. So I love her. Even though sometimes she makes me crazy.
As I said, I’m blessd with my sister (and my younger siblings who, at 15 and 16, haven’t had much time to really mess anything up yet, LOL).
The extended family, yeah. To varying degrees they are exercises in tolerance. I actually *like* most of them. MOST. The rest I treat nicely when forced to spend time with them.
on February 8, 2006 at 7:39 pm
Omni said:
This is another reason why I’ll never get a cell phone; I don’t want to be accessible all the time.
(enjoys privacy)
on February 9, 2006 at 8:57 am
n. mallory said:
I’d be with you on not having a cell phone, Omni, but…
I am unfortunately on-call for my job at least 1 out of every 4 weeks (I’m on the last of a 3-week stint right now). When I’m not on call, I still have to be able to answer pages from my boss and my other team mates. It’s a downside to working hospital IT I guess. So, I need to be able to make a call and there are a lot less working payphones these days.
Plus, as I spend most of my time alone and at least 50% of the time I’ve had car trouble was at night, I want that little bit of security should I find myself with a flat on the interstate after dark.
When I first got a cell phone, I did use it a lot to make plans and co-ordinate with friends as we were always on the go, but since moving to slower, laid back Maine, I don’t need that function.