The Blind Leading The Blind Maybe

There’s a woman in my therapy group that’s going through what I went through almost two years ago. The work situation is somewhat similar, particularly the way “they” went about firing her — gave her a raise, let her go on vacation and then told her that her position was being eliminated. She has a family and therefore isn’t going through the complete feelings of loneliness and abandonment that I went through every day not having anywhere to go or anyone to see most days. She has a husband and kids, but that kind of comes with it’s own problems.

I just felt such a connection to her because everything she said, I understood, and for once I felt not quite as alone.

Oh, I know I’ve talked to my mother about the time she was fired and her feelings regarding it, but you know, she’s my mother and she’s supposed to sympathize with me — though that really isn’t always the case. And, yes, many of my virtual friends here have talked to me about their experiences and while that is somewhat comforting, there’s just something different about having met someone in the flesh and shared that experience and understood what she’s going through.

Plus, I somehow feel like I can help her. It was strange watching her and listening to her about the powerlessness she feels, the helplessness, the anger and the depression. I know exactly how she feels and I remember now very clearly how I felt every day during those first three months — the dragging myself out of bed, the feeling like a failure, the feeling that nothing was going to ever get better, that I was on the road to doom. I wondered then if I should even stay in computers, if I was ever a good employee.

The lesson I’ve learned is that slowly, most of that passes. I told her that it was a struggle for me even after I started working again. I told her the truth that finding a new job doesn’t fix everything. I explained that there is a grieving period, but that somehow everyone I knew had come out of this kind of experience better off. Maybe she won’t see it for a long time, but it’s true.

Of course, she knows I’m still working through my anger but I told her that it took me a long time to not have an anxiety attack every time my new boss talked to me and that the one lesson I really learned from the last job is to not get caught up in the office drama (or politics). You know, I used to carry all of that home with me at the last job. I used to really think that the old supervisor was at home late at night devising ways to make my life miserable. Now, unless I’m on call, I try not to think about work when I walk out the door. Work is just where I go 5 days a week.

Anyway, I know I’m not “cured”. She knows it. But I think knowing I survived it and having me tell her that she will survive it made her feel a little better. I know that realizing I had survived it made me feel better. I’m just a little sorry that it took hearing her story to make me realize it.

tags: therapy, depression

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