Remembering the So-So Ole Days
I found this bit of post in my old journal, which shall remain nameless (and url-less), while looking for something else. In fact, I’d been thinking of high school quite a bit lately thanks to the “A-List” Wars of last week and this puts into words (my words even) how I feel about high school…
High school for me was a series of painful, awkward moments of simply not fitting into any one particular group of people.There are, to say the least, more painful memories than happy ones of that time of my life. However, I can’t exactly say that there was indeed more pain than not, but I can’t swear to the other way around either.
I spent much of those years trying to fit into the “in crowd” despite my plain looks, chubbiness, and selfish middle class parents who would not provide suitable clothing with designer labels. (It’s true that I was wearing hand-me-downs from a neighbor who had grown tired of her 70’s wardrobe just as Madona and Glamor Rock was just taking off. It was only much later in life that I think my mother finally realized how harmful that penny-pinching behavior had been to my already socially stunted psyche.)
I was known by a lot of people in the small private school I went to, but not necessarily in the way a cheerleader or a homecoming queen would be. In fact, I have no idea what was said about me when I wasn’t present but I had been the butt of a number of jokes by popular upperclassmen as I muddled through what many people consider the best time of their life and so many more consider a personal hell best left in the darkest part of their mind and forgotten.
The truth is that I was neither popular nor unpopular. I merely was there, often left out and overlooked and often laughed at and made to feel inferior. Most of my friends during that time were other outsiders who also never could find their niche either though this didn’t always mean we were a perfect match either.
I wonder why I have no desire to see barely any of those people again…and yet this morning I sent an email to a former Homecoming Queen asking if she was going to DragonCon this year — turns out that after High School, she got interesting.
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on August 20, 2007 at 8:00 pm
vinegar and heartburn said:
vinegar and heartburn…
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