How Do You Prove You Aren’t A Racist?

It’s interesting the assumptions that are made in life.

On another blog years ago, I made a feeble attempt to argue with an angry commenter who insisted that I was a racist because I described a dear friend as “a scary black man” in the retelling of a story where I wanted his help to intimidate some unwanted attention from some other male person. What I learned from that experience is that once someone makes up their mind, there’s really no way to prove you aren’t a racist — whether the person being described, actually takes pride in that description or not. (He found it funny.) It was a frustrating experience and a waste of my time…particularly since it was a stranger.

Then yesterday came Holly’s remarks on my Find Latoyia Figueroa post:

I am highly offended by how many websites state “she’s not white”. Obviously no she is NOT white, but what the hell does race have to do with anything. I happen to be of the caucasian race, and what I have noticed is that more African-Americans note the racial issue than any other race…so miss thing what does that tell you?

Here I was thinking I was trying to point out the hypocrisy of the media in focusing more on white women than minorities, and she’s offended because she thinks I’m playing the “race card” or at least that’s how it read to me, an Irish-Scottish-American, who’s paler than Professor Snape. Obviously another stranger who doesn’t know me and didn’t bother to learn more before attacking me.

Anyway, that got me to thinking again on the racism label, how once the back’s been pealed off and stuck on your virtual forehead, it’s relatively impossible to yank off. Really, how do you prove you aren’t a racist when you aren’t without looking like you are a racist trying to prove you aren’t? It’s quite a puzzle to me.

An acquaintance on a message board, suggested I take the “race implicit association test” and even told me she thought I’d be surprised by my results.

I was. I have always maintained that everyone has a little bit of bias and prejudice in them simply for those things like culture they don’t know or understand. My mother certainly is prejudiced, though she doesn’t think so but she’s far less prejucided than her mother or my great-grandmother was. I think with each generation, many of us are getting better at melding.

Here are the results of my test:

“Your data suggest little to no automatic preference between Black American and White American.”

I don’t guess I have a real point. I just have questions. How do you prove you aren’t racist? And in this new cyber world where people can’t always visually see the real you and base their opinions of you on a two second read of one entry in a blog, how do you stand out and how do you show the world who you really are and what you’re about?

tags: racism

6 comments

1. on August 4, 2005 at 3:25 pm

   Elkanah said:

   If any particular group of people wants to be of the hyphenated variety (eg., African-American, Mexican-American, etc.) then by their own wishes they have chosen to differientiate themselves from other groups, thus they shouldn’t complain when others do the same.

2. on August 4, 2005 at 6:12 pm

   Qusan said:

   Yeah … Guess that means I don’t have to get pinched anymore, scolded for not wearing green or acosted by drunks on St. Patricks day …

   I’m sure a so-called friend/co-worker (who always seems to be offended when I decline an invitation to her home) who is from India and has made the remark that “if you see a black man cross the street” in mixed company on more than one occassion when I was within earshot doesn’t think she is racist either … even though she constantly mentions her “big, Germanic husband” as though it means something special. In some way we are all racist/prejudice. If race were not an issue, you would have said “scary” man. “Scary black man”, even if I were to say it, has a different implication and you know it.

   You can never prove you aren’t racist/ignorant/prejudice … you have to admit that you are and pre-empt the stupid remarks before you say them.

3. on August 4, 2005 at 8:02 pm

   n. mallory said:

   When you are reading a book, and you come across a description of a person that describes the character’s ethnicity, are you offended? Are you offended by author’s distinguishing between characters through culture and ethinicity? How else are you to show a reader the full story? I was telling a story and if it had been about either my ex’s Peter or BJ in the same context I would have called them big and scary too — which I suppose says something about the types I date. I would have even described either of them as “white” too. Just like I would have described the person I was trying to scare off as a tall skinny white hippie stalker type…however, he had already met Peter and BJ and I needed someone to introduce as an intimidating type. Would it be as offensive if I’d said a “scary white guy?”

   And, for the record, 2Cool has always been proud of his bigness, his scariness, and his blackness. He likes walking the Quarter in the middle night in his black trenchoat and army boots and he likes making people uneasy and I at least appreciate that part of his personality.

   Everyone is a little racist and a little prejudice. I know it. The point is, no matter how accepting you may be or think you may be, once the label is there, whether it’s true or not, you can’t wash it off. I don’t think it’s going to go away and I certainly don’t think anyone should embrace it, but I do think that people spend a lot of time trying to find racism where it isn’t meant. Reminds me of the short story I didn’t get published because one of the editors of the Christian high school literary magazine thought one line sounded like it might imply something sexual. Not everything is about race or sex or gender or age or religion or politics. Sometimes it’s just words that don’t mean anything more than telling a story or describing a scene.

   Oh, and I haven’t pinched anyone on St. Patrick’s day since grade school, but my step-grandfather always died his hair green.

4. on August 5, 2005 at 9:32 pm

   Qusan said:

   Words may not mean certain things but some words have different connotations no matter how hard we try to think otherwise. All I’m saying is that the “scary black guy” phrase - in harmless jest or not … and I don’t know/care whether you are racist or not - is used by many (Susan Smith and a host of other criminals trying to get themselves out of a jam) to trigger fear. I’m sure it was a joke.

   I might not implicitly say that someone is black, but since I am, if I were to tell someone I was going to have my big boyfriend “handle them,” they most folks would assume he was black and have a certain image in their heads. In fact, it may be one of those ethnic things that “racist” people would find redundant. Consider “drunk Irish, Italian Mobster, Latin lover, cheap Jew, big scary black …” There are somethings that people, through our society are programmed to think of other groups whether you personally believe them or not. That is the only point. Really, if you’d said big, scary white guy someone would have probably laughed because they didn’t feel threatened or intimidated.

   Have you seen: http://blackpeopleloveus.com ?

5. on August 5, 2005 at 10:06 pm

   n. mallory said:

   OK That website is a little strange…and scary…and disturbing. That’s trying too hard.

   Anyway, the truth is that without taking time to get to know me or me taking time to get you, neither of us can answer the question of whether each other is a hardcore racist or just have that natural bit of prejudice against the different and the not understood.

   When I told a friend about this post and discussion she bust out laughing because she knows me. Now you can take that however you like.

   Now, one little correction: I did not tell the stalker that I was going to have my “big scary black boyfriend” handle him. If I recall, there was a group discussion among my friends who were concerned about the stalker and it was decided that 2Cool was to be the one to back me up should I need it…and while I remember the phrase being said aloud, I don’t remember who said it but it was a joke in a social setting and like I said, it was a reputation 2Cool takes pride in.

   But thank you for making me think. I started this post in hopes of having an intellectual conversation on the subject. It’s a difficult conversation because the line between social casualness and unconscious racism is sometimes blurred. For example, there are sexist remarks that I would let my closest friends make to me and laugh, but if anyone else did it, I’d probably be mad. It’s kind of like personal space but instead of physical, it’s mental. We all have our acceptable zones and those zones dimminish depending on the relationship of the person to you.

6. on August 8, 2005 at 1:05 pm

   Qusan said:

   Honestly, I don’t think (know) that you are racist. I was merely pointing out that there is “coding” in language and despite how you mean things, the initial thing other people think/impulsively believe is probably going to be based in some sort of pre-conceived notion. I have a “big” Italian friend and on occassion have made reference to him where I knew that people would have to think twice (and leave me alone). We’re human and this is America. The point is to acknowlege what you are doing. It can be in jest.

   The site I referenced was created by white siblings who have a black step mother. They quoted things that they hear constantly (and that black people hear always) and began to realize how stupid it sounded … They actually had the authors on Good Morning America when the site came out and even the hosts had to acknowledge that their behavior mimicked some of the things that “Sally and Johnny” said.

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