Something On My Mind

Well, it’s been a while and I’ve been mulling over some random thoughts. I thought I’d put them here for safe keeping, so to speak.

***So, last year in the first three months at this job, I contacted accounting to let them know that the money for parking was not being taken out of my paycheck. It never got out of my paycheck and I stopped calling.

Today I received an email letting me know that a recent audit had revealed that they weren’t taking money out for parking.

Duh.

I should see the fee appear in my next paycheck. I guess I’m just glad they aren’t going to try to take the whole year’s fees out at once.

***My birthday came and went, you know, with very little hooplah from my friends “back home”. Only JB and PW called and very few people sent email wishes. Among the people who didn’t say anything were Peter and Meg and I will admit I was sort of hurt.

I mean, they are the ones who seem to have abandoned me but I feel like they think I did something wrong and I can’t figure out what it is. OK I hadn’t heard from them in months by Christmas and was surprised to receive a Christmas present from them. They called me on New Year’s Eve to wish me well. I sent a belated Christmas present to them and never got a thank you either via email or phone. In fact since New Years’ Eve, I have sent multiple emails to Meg and only received one reply.

These two were my closest friends for years and I am sincerely hurt by the fact that they abandoned me when I needed my friends and then dropped me when I moved to Maine.

So, around my birthday, PW mentioned that Meg had been sick and had an ER trip and everything. I sent a get well card.

Coincidently, not long after I sent the card, I got belated birthday presents from them with the message “we miss you”. I found that to be very hypocritical, but I sent a thank you email to each of them. I only received a reply back from Peter and I admit I was annoyed enough that I didn’t reply to his question about the weather.

Talking with PW over the weekend, I got a little more gossip. Apparently, Meg and Peter have been asking PW to do a lot of things they used to do with me — out to dinner, movies, etc. PW finds this very hypocritical because she and Meg never really got along before and she feels like they are trying to turn her into a substitute “me”. She likes playing games with Peter because she likes playing games, but she feels uncomfortable being the third wheel that I was. She has no desire to be the faithful sidekick. She finds it odd that when they invite her out, they don’t want El, her roommate, to come along.

Anyway, apparently, one night when they were at dinner, PW says that Meg was fishing for information, asking if PW and I were still talking and all. Probably this was around the time that Meg got the get well card.

Yes, PW and I have had our differences. Yes, we went years without speaking. However, when the hard times hit, PW was there for me and she knows that if I had been in New Orleans, I would have gone with her to the hospital for all the cancer tests. I called her often to check on her. I was there for her emotionally despite the distance…just like I had been there for them when they needed me.

I guess I’m just hurt and confused. I don’t understand what’s going on with them. My friend KW says I need to just let go and she’s right. Friends come and go in a person’s life. Very rarely do friendships stand the test of time, I think. Certainly more rarely than t.v. and books lead you to believe. People change. People move. People become self-absorbed.

So, anyway, I’m writing this here hoping that this outpouring of confusion will help me let go. (Even though I made and sent a stained glass birthday present for Meg. I didn’t include a message about missing them. I do in fact miss them and their friendship but I’m too hurt to admit it in a card.)

***I absolutely have to do my takes this weekend.

***I’ve decided to take a class in CSS that’s being offered at the adult education center here. Also, I’m going to take a seminar on apartment gardens or rather planting gardens in containers. And I am seriously considering registering for a certificate program in web design.

Plus, a pottery class has started at the stained glass studio. Unfortunately it’s only currently offered on the same night I go to the studio to work on my glass. However, I’ve already mentioned that if they expand, count me in.

I’m really kind of excited about it. My mom is happy that I’m broadening my horizons and trying new things, though she still wants me to “make some friends” (translation: find a boyfriend).

***PW and English have already started discussing where they might live when the get married…She even half-seriously mentioned moving to Maine to be near me. Part of me is really excited about the idea but I know deep down that I shouldn’t hope for that. She really isn’t a Northern Winter-kind of gal and really that’s just too much to hope for and besides that’s probably a year or two away anyway.

tags: discombobulated, dysfunctional drama

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