No Hidden Agendas

I thought the last review was rather surreal when my new boss told me that he was worried that I was too quiet. I mean, no one had ever accused me of that before. It was very odd indeed.

However, the surreal experiences keep on coming here in Maine. It was very odd to be in my review and not hear anything negative and to be told that I am a calming presence in meetings. He praised me on my ability to just go with the flow and not get into the middle of the meltdowns. Really, I would have liked to say that I’m too old to waste that much energy getting worked up over anything as trivial as work, particularly if there’s nothing I can do about it anyway. I wasted way too much energy at my last job and I may have used up my lifetime allotment.

Or maybe I learned some things from the whole experience of getting fired.

I know I learned not to rock the boat. I learned not to sweat the small stuff. In other words, unless it’s life and death, try not to obsess over the little things. Be happy to have a job and a paycheck and a place to go every day and try not to stir up shit unnecessarily. Stay out of the center of the drama storm if at all possible. I’ve learned not to fight opposing personalities but to find ways to live with them. Granted, I fought hard with the Queen and we were both Divas, but it was tiring. It would have been easier just to figure out how to get around the road blocks she offered rather than ramming into the same road blocks over and over.

And since coming here, I am trying to learn than not everyone has a hidden agenda. I’m learning that the norm is that managers say what they mean and mean what they say. If my boss were to have a problem with me, he wouldn’t tell someone else and hope the grape vine passed it on to me. If my boss didn’t care for me, he wouldn’t try to make my life miserable. I am learning that it’s the norm for bosses to believe in the abilities of their employees and actually know what they do. I am learning that life doesn’t have to be all about stress.

I was abused for so long at that last place, it’s weird to be somewhere where there are no hidden agendas and people say “thank you”.

So, it went very well and I am now fighting the urge to reward myself with Girl Scout cookies and Twizzlers.

***

I think sometimes about that last job and the people and I wonder if they think of me. I am conceited enough to wonder if my old supervisor isn’t out there getting off on the fact that he nearly ruined my career and that he made me suffer for so long. When I picture him in my mind I see his shiny balding head and that muppet head, eyes, and grin and think what a greasy snake he is…and I wonder when karma will kick him back in the balls for me.

I know it’s petty. I accept that.

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