Archive for
March, 2005
March 25th, 2005
Put Something In
by Shel Silverstein
Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-grumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
‘Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain’t been there before.
It’s strange but I’ve had certain moments of self-realization lately…all on my own without the shrink’s prodding. This week I kind of noticed a certain return to youth attitude in myself. What I mean is that I’ve made a move over the last year away from conservative me to someone more willing to take some chances. And it’s daily stuff like
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March 23rd, 2005
I thought the last review was rather surreal when my new boss told me that he was worried that I was too quiet. I mean, no one had ever accused me of that before. It was very odd indeed.
However, the surreal experiences keep on coming here in Maine. It was very odd to be in my review and not hear anything negative and to be told that I am a calming presence in meetings. He praised me on my ability to just go with the flow and not get into the middle of
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March 23rd, 2005
My annual review is today and even though my boss sent me a re-assuring email, I’m a bit freaked out. I’ve never liked them at all. Generally, I get so anxious about them that I get ill. I really wish he’d schedule them earlier in the day. I already feel nauseated and panicky. I’ll just keep trying to tell myself that my boss likes me and I get along with everyone and I haven’t rocked the boat here and I do my work and there’s no reason to think that this place is at all
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March 22nd, 2005
So I sent my boss an email asking if we could get together to touch base on the subject of an upcoming “go-live” for a project I have been the integration lead on. I was a little wary of requesting this discussion because my previous experience at my last job was that when I asked for help on something I’d never done before, I was punished and ultimately it was used as a reason to fire me.
Anyway, basically, I mentioned that I haven’t been through a major “go-live” with them and I wanted to understand what my
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March 21st, 2005
So, the good news is that PW does not have breast cancer. Talk about breathing a sigh of relief. She was so relieved that she didn’t mind at all that the x-rays showed she has a kidney stone, which explains the pain in her side. :crazy:
I’m glad she’s o.k.
###So, I can’t recall if I mentioned it. I saw the doctor last week. The flu/cold I had cleared up immediately after I made the appointment, of course. However, I had to go in for a Depo shot and med check anyway and I wanted to talk
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Tags: breast cancer, Depo Provera, blood pressure, Prozac, birthday
March 18th, 2005
So, PW had a mamogram, an ultrasound, and a biopsy on Wednesday. She is completely freaked out about the whole thing which is completely understandable. The waiting to hear the results is killing me so I can imagine how she feels. I imagine it’s impossible to think about anything else and she said everytime the phone rings, she’s afraid to pick it up. It’s like one phone call holds her future in it’s ring.
I really am so afraid for her as this is one of my fears too. However, the doctor told her he was
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Tags: breast cancer
March 16th, 2005
PW called me last night to wish me a Happy Birthday. I think it’s funny because after over 10 years, she still gets my birthday mixed up with my mom’s. Mine isn’t until Sunday. Anyway, it made me laugh and gave me a chance to gossip. 
Apparently, her Upper GI came back showing nothing wrong — no acid reflux, etc. Still she’s having chest pains and pains on her left side. Plus, the doctor found a small lump in her left breast which he thinks is probably a cyst but he’s sending her in for
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Tags: birthday, breast cancer
March 15th, 2005
What a strange thing it is about human nature that the little things make all the difference in the world. But then, I guess if they make a difference, they aren’t really little, are they?
I have to thank KC for leaving that nice, lengthy comment yesterday. It did make me feel better this morning to learn that I am not alone in my feelings of inadequacy after my traumatic seperation from my horrible job last year and that these feelings do pass eventually. My family and friends and doctors can all tell me this but
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March 14th, 2005
Lately, I’ve been waiting for the mythical shoe to fall. I just have this horrible feeling of impending doom again. Every moment it seems I’m on the verge of holding my breath in anticipation of some horrible nightmare descending on me like the plague.
Mostly I feel like somehow I’ve been living a lie and one of these days I’m going to wake up and everyone will know I’ve been living a lie. I feel like I’m still a child and that I didn’t learn anything in college and that I have no skills worth having. I
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Tags: depression, anxiety
March 10th, 2005
This is sent to you because I wanted to let you know that I have decided to quit.
I quit thinking. I don’t want to do it anymore. My brain seems to be on autopilot and no matter how hard I try, I can’t turn it off. I’m not sure you can resign from thinking but I’m going to give it my best shot.
Too many decades this brain has been going, always thinking about something, with no hope in sight of it quitting on it’s own, so I’m quitting for it. It’s still not working.
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March 2nd, 2005
Well, since I moved to Maine, I have procrastinated finding a new dentist. I like my old dentist. I’d been going to him since I was 6 years old, except for a few years when he and my insurance didn’t agree.
I have problem teeth, so I’ve never been fond of going because it generally leads to more visits with pain. Though admittedly the laughing gas is fun and trippy.
Anyway, a few years ago, I had to have a root canal and so I have one capped tooth. Yesterday, I bit
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