Panic Attack In Process

I’m suddenly feeling an attack of virtigo. I feel like I’m spinning, spinning, spinning out of control. The world is spinning and shaking at the same time and it won’t stop and I’m feeling very ill.

I’ve just discovered on my calendar for next Thursday is my Probationary Review which technically I should have had several months ago. Suddenly, I’m all stressed out.

I’m telling myself over and over that it’s just a coincidence that it’s December, that it’s just a coincidence that it’s the last “working day” of the year (though I am scheduled to come in on Friday too, that it’s just a coincidence that it’s scheduled at the end of the day.

They made me a permenant employee. They gave me two raises. They gave me a pager to carry 24/7 and have me taking on-call rotation…in fact, I go on call that day before the review (maybe I’ll be paged with a production issue and have to miss it). No one has said anything bad about my job performance. They’ve given me more work to do. This morning my boss assigned me work that has to be done by February. I don’t think he’s a devious person like the old Manager and Director so therefore wouldn’t give me work if he was planning on firing me the day I got back from a three day vacation.

Maybe I just need to eat lunch.

The world will not stop spinning…God, how I hate job reviews.

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