Archive for
December, 2004
December 30th, 2004
Well, I had my probationary six month review today though I’ve been here since April 5th. Apparently, my boss has a history of getting in trouble for missing review deadlines. :crazy:
A logical, less paranoid person would have not been worried at all. After all, I’ve gotten two raises since arriving, been made a permanent employee, given a beeper to wear 24/7, been added to the on-call rotation, and been put on several big projects.
However, I’m a parnoid person and the timing was bothersome and also the fact that FW didn’t bring the on-call pager
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Tags: none
December 30th, 2004
So…my parents have been here since Christmas…and I love them, but they are driving me a little nuts.
Maybe it’s because I’m having my period.
Or just maybe it’s because they are both nutty too.
Before they came to visit, I asked them what they would like to do while they were here. Neither had any real idea and whatever I planned would be fine as long as my mother got to go to L. L. Bean and got to have lobster at some point, of course.
So, I worked up a little schedule after asking around and looking around. I planned
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Tags: dysfunctional family
December 30th, 2004
It’s strange the things you hang on to in life. Granted, I am a packrat. I come by it honestly, or, rather, genetically.
My grandmother is the ultimate packrat. When I was younger, I recall that their big house on the hill in Ohio was this grand two story turn-of-the-century farmhouse and doctor’s home with a rather dreary, cold, drafty basement and a rather large wrap-around porch that fronted two sides of the house. The upstairs was spacious with two bedrooms and an attic that spanned 1/2 of the floor space and was
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December 25th, 2004
I remember when I was a kid feeling so excited about Christmas that I was literally bouncing off the walls on Christmas Eve. I couldn’t wait to go to sleep so I could wake up on Christmas Day and yet I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I remember staying up late to watch the news so I could watch them track Santa and his reindeer. I remember carefully selecting cookies and setting out milk on the end of the fireplace so Santa would have a treat when he arrived.
I remember waking up and scrambling
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December 24th, 2004
When I was younger, my grandmother was this great seamstress, or so they say. She apparently made quite a bit of money sewing wedding dresses. Anyway, everything she ever made for me personally was…well, terrible. I used to dread those homemade gifts.
Now I think back and I wonder if it wasn’t just the pressure of doing it for family that was the problem.
I want Christmas Dinner to be perfect for my folks. I just don’t want to disapoint them. I am a great cook. Everyone says so, but every time I cook Christmas dinner
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Tags: dysfunctional family
December 24th, 2004
This picture someone sent me made me nostalgic for my last job. (I hope you can hear the sarcasm. :plain: )
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December 23rd, 2004
Oh, with all my personal paranoid delusions I forgot to bring up the subject of the mandatory meeting.
Basically, my boss took MJ’s AMPFM project and split it up four ways so we each have a piece and now MJ is downright chipper. Apparently, they want to do testing in February so as soon as I get back from vacation, I need to get my ass on my pieces which appear to be no pieces of cake.
Anyway, after 30 minutes, the boss got up and left. However MJ and FW kept Lurch and
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Tags: none
December 23rd, 2004
My boss had come by earlier looking for fudge that had of course been finished off by the office folk two days ago. He noticed I had cookies but decided not to take them upon discovering they were a gift from my neighbor (btw, she makes good cookies).
So, after FW and I went down to Subway and I induldged myself in buying a six inch meatball sub on Italian herbs & cheese bread and a side of Baked Doritos, FW and I were walking back discussing my work schedule as I’m working the official holidays of Christmas Eve and
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Tags: anxiety, paranoia
December 23rd, 2004
I’m suddenly feeling an attack of virtigo. I feel like I’m spinning, spinning, spinning out of control. The world is spinning and shaking at the same time and it won’t stop and I’m feeling very ill.
I’ve just discovered on my calendar for next Thursday is my Probationary Review which technically I should have had several months ago. Suddenly, I’m all stressed out.
I’m telling myself over and over that it’s just a coincidence that it’s December, that it’s just a coincidence that it’s the last “working day” of the year (though I am scheduled
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Tags: none
December 22nd, 2004
Well, here I was writing some negative things about my friendship with Peter and Meg and there they were on their vacation in Disney World getting engaged and thinking of me.
Yesterday I received a small package from Peter. I am currently assuming it’s actually from both of them but there was no note and no wrapping paper, which is typical of Peter. 
The box was obviously from Disney and inside were a Disney collectable pin of Piglet and a crystal Piglet on a gold irredescent base which makes the Piglet kind of prism.
I really almost
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Tags: friendship
December 22nd, 2004
There’s quite a bit of drama kicking up at work. I missed out on a team meeting last Thursday because I had to leave early. I was there for 15 minutes or so before I had to leave and apparently I missed out on a doozy. I’d gotten a few hints about what had occurred but I still don’t have a clear picture.
So, this morning around 9am, I went to see if MJ wanted to walk up to Starbucks to get some coffee and Mr. Bagel to get breakfast. I mentioned that I needed
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December 22nd, 2004
I must say that it is so nice to go home to a neat, organized apartment. Keeping it straight so far hasn’t really taken a whole lot of effort or so it seems. Maybe I just feel like the extra effort is worth it. *shrug*
Anyway, the list thing is really working out. I thought I’d be too obsessive about it but because it’s in my Palm Pilot and I can adjust due dates and priorities every morning or night, it actually works out to be useful. Crossing things off as completed gives me
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Tags: none
December 20th, 2004
I’ll be glad when January 1, 2005 has arrived and I can settle down into a nice stupor again. :crazy:
I must say that the Christmas party at MJ’s last Friday was surprisingly fun and delightful. I’ve never been a fan of co-worker parties because generally we have very little in common outside of work and quite frankly, the people at the old job really thought the whole point of getting together was getting drunk and I’d outgrown that about the time I graduated from college despite having lived most of my life in New Orleans. People were drinking
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Tags: dysfunctional family, anxiety, dysfunctional drama
December 17th, 2004
Well, I had another chat with my new shrink. She told me that I’m not a paranoid schizophrenic, which is good since I really didn’t think I was. I do think I’m unhealthily paranoid, but she told me I wasn’t as paranoid as I thought I was. She basically said that my paranoia appears to be based on my life experiences, which apparently have been warped enough to make me honestly paranoid. She wants to work on retraining my mind not to think that way, not to go into a panic attack at a perceived trigger,
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Tags: paranoia, anxiety
December 17th, 2004
So, here’s the story.
One of the projects at work has gotten so mean and nasty with in-fighting between project management, IT, and the pharmacy department, that human resources is now involved and they now have 3 hour meetings twice a week to discuss their feelings. One of my fellow interface guru calls them
Kumbay-ya meetings (sp? — the fact that I can’t spell the word is probably what led to my downfall).
As pranking is smiled upon here, I thought I would find the lyrics to the song and print them up and give them to said
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December 15th, 2004
It’s official. It is now too cold to go outside after dark.
Seriously. Last night I went to the grocery and in the time it took to go from my car to the store all I could think about was how friggin’ cold it was. “Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod!”
It’s not going to get out of the teens today and I found it rather distrubing that the weatherman on NPR this morning said tomorrow would be mild and in the 30’s.
The 30’s is not mild.
I really was fine with the weather until last night.
***Well, baking didn’t go as well as
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Tags: discombobulated
December 14th, 2004
I don’t know that the list-making thing is working really well. I put it on my Palm Pilot and now I’m obsessed with putting every little thing in there down from taking out the trash to cleaning the litter pan. I seem to be adding more than I’m taking off the list. Kind of like how I cleaned my office but when I cleaned the downstairs hall, the office filled up with boxes again.
My parents are just going to have to understand that I am not a neat freak. I know they don’t think I’m organized…and
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Tags: none
December 13th, 2004
I went to see the Maine Gay Men’s Choir yesterday for their December Traditions concert. They were so good. I’m so glad I went; I almost didn’t as I was fighting off a migraine all day and really thought going out might make it worse.
Really they did an excellent job and they were entertaining. They had props and dance moves for some and did a white glove sign language song in the dark which was lovely. During the Nutcracker songs some dressed in costumes and danced — grown men in tutus doing ballet is funny.
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Tags: discombobulated
December 9th, 2004
Well, I went to my first therapy session. It was that initial conversation where we discussed what has been going on in my life and what my family history is and all of that.
I discussed my concerns about mental illness in my family on my father’s side. My grandmother is bi-polar, my cousin committed suicide about six years ago, and my other cousin has been diagnosed with aneorexia. My aunt has been in therapy though I don’t know what any diagnosis was. My uncle definitely has something wrong with him upstairs though I doubt he’ll be
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Tags: therapy
December 6th, 2004
Well, well, well…let’s see…
I wrote a nice long post yesterday but my computer locked up and I lost it while I was just finishing it. I was frustrated and quickly distracted by anything other than rewriting the whole thing. So here I am today, trying again. Heh.
Last Wednesday I decided to wear my Christmas sweater. You know, the sweater I was wearing the day I was fired? As anxious as I am over the anniversary of that horrible day, it took a lot of effort just to pull the sweater out of the storage box.
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Tags: anxiety, therapy, depression
